Life after the busy holiday season is no less hectic, but lots less jolly and markedly devoid of sparkle. I really have a hard time adjusting to the House sans Christmas Decor. I put off taking most of it down till after the New Year, but by then the living room (real) tree was shedding needles at an alarming rate, and I was feeling the need to get my much larger than last year holiday stash of decorations separated and organized for next year before stowing them in the attic. While most of the House is now bare of its holiday finery, bits and pieces still reside in my messy workroom; things I either purposely neglected to put away or found days later in odd nooks and corners, and a few I have already picked up from Goodwill and thrift shops since Christmas. What can I say? People tend to clean out after the season, and often donate at the same time.
I have a vague notion floating around in my cobwebby consciousness that I would ultimately like to start a business making and selling Christmas stockings and other decorations. Then I could justify surrounding myself with glitter, tinsel and other accoutrements of Yule all year round. Christmas and the holidays ignites a spark in my Heart that nothing else quite does. I love the visual experience of the decorations and trappings, but always uppermost in my awareness is a powerful sense of the Spirit that underlies the festivities, observances and celebrations of the Season. I suppose that my dreams of having a business centered around my favorite time of year grows at least partially from a yearning to have those magical feelings as my own pnuema, as the defining mood of my life.
My problem is, and has been, finding the focus, energy and Time to get an enterprise of this sort going. I actually started this blog post sometime around mid-January, but I have been so busy and distracted by other things that I have neglected to finish it. One of the things I have been hoping to accomplish in this New (not as new as it was now that it is 1/12th gone) Year is being better able to prioritize in a busy and usually over-booked life. I doubt that I am alone in this desire.
For all that I am still protesting my lot in life — not because I am miserable or feeling sorry for myself, but because I need a purpose, I require more than just drifting from day to day in a flurry of essentially pointless chores and tasks—I am not unhappy. Confused and uneasy perhaps, but essentially optimistic for the first time in a while. Have I made any progress toward any of the vaguely defined Resolutions with which I embarked on the adventure of this Year? Well, thus far I have at least achieved a rather better attitude than I have been able to in some time. Otherwise, I seem to be at an impasse physically. I have come to realize that the very idea of dieting makes me hungry. However, I seriously curtailed my baking this past month, and therefore the availability of foods to satisfy my evening-time sweet tooth. I have limited my intake of bread, potatoes and lots of other foods. I should be healthier. I have been eating lots of salads, vegetables and fruits. However, I have not really lost any weight. In fact, historically speaking, I have never been good at forcing things like diet. It has just not really been a problem for me for quite a few years. At some point in my dim past, when I was in my late twenties and despairing of ever being anything but pleasantly plump, after years of trying unsuccessfully to lose weight, I just gave up. Lo and behold, over the course of the next year or two, I ate what I wanted and did not worry, and I became slenderer than I had been since high school. I can not say if it is just me, or really the nature of reality, that flowing with life rather than fighting it, accepting yourself and just allowing yourself to Be is the true secret to success. For me, at least, I think that this is true. Unfortunately, accepting myself has not been my strong suit of late.
|Instagramming the I of God.|
So yes, I am feeling a bit more optimistic these days. I have a long way to go. I still have no time, and spend a good bit of it vacillating, but I am headed in a direction I like. I know that I need to work on a lot of things. By work, what I really mean is remembering what is important and true, and letting myself trust in my own innate ability to find harmony in life.
|Sand Hill Crane|
Maybe I have digressed a bit, but what is winter for if not to do some wool-gathering, planning and dreaming. I am dreaming of a more creative life than I have enjoyed for a while, and spending time outdoors and surrounded by nature's beauty provides me with inspiration and energy. When I close my eyes and let myself dream through these long midwinter nights, I see a new Path opening before me, and a new Dawn coming with the spring.
Until Next Time...